This Week In Zombie Defense
-West Marshall Weekly- 1A
-The Steaming Pile
This Week in Zombie Defense
-The Weekly Wacker- 1B
-Horoscopes-3B
-Deep Questions...
-Celebrity Screw-Up of the Week
-Pictures
-Meet the Crew!
-Dacy's Morale Dropper
Global News... err Zombie News
This is pretty much going to be the zombie page, not gonna lie... This is where all of the major updates for the zombie defense struggle are going to go...
What To do: a Zombie Holocaust primer.
Okay, let's pretend one day you're sitting there on facebook, when you realize that half of your friends change their status to "[BLARG!] is a zombie... BRAIINS!!" and that there's nothing on the news except reports about the zombie holocaust. Your first thought is most likely ZOMG!.. ...Which just so happens to be the correct thing to do! Find your local office of the Zombie Outbreak Management Group, or ZOMG (if you live in WM it shouldn't be hard... most of us run this site), and beg for your miserable little lives. The first thing to do is to gather all useful items: food, weapons, first aid, and any Polly Pocket Merchandise you own. It's common knowledge that Polly Pocket will become the only legitimate currency in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why? BECAUSE ITS PINK! The next thing you need to do is Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold? ...Actually thats a quote from Shaun of the Dead, but still a legitimate strategy. Actually the next thing you should do is party up with some people, preferrably including a large person with a shotgun and someone that has been bitten just for good plot device. Did I mention that you should try not to get bitten? That's kinda high on the list of things NOT to do... Once you find your local defense fortress, meet up with the heroic survivors and do what they tell you. You will find a niche in society, but remeber that post-apocalyptic minimum wage is 2.15POLLY an hour. Also remember that in most good zombie movies there's always the part where all the heroes are cornered and certain doom sets in, but don't worry that's usually when the army shows up... or they get all eaten, but don't worry too much about that.
Today's Zombie Threat Level is: Elevated
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are you Serious?
A: I seriously don't know... it's even hard for me to tell
Q: Where are you going when the Zombie Apocalypse hits?
A: Probably the Middle School, it would make an asskickin' fortress
Q:When do you think it will happen?
A: Anytime... I saw a bunch of cops today, that could have been zombies. Birds flew away from me. It could have been from me running at them and screaming, but it also could have been zombies. You never know, man. You never know...
Q: Did you eat paint chips when you were a child?
A: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?!?
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